Thoughts on Beliefs

These are my own at the moment

   Realizing I’m no competition for the ones driven blindly and wholeheartedly by faith and belief. Jesus can’t save me. Buddha can’t lead my multi-folded path. Moses can’t separate my sea. I don’t have faith, but I do but it’s different, more agnostic really. And I don’t know of blind faith, and conviction of love, and sacrifice for love. I know of comfort, humility, place in the world politics, thoughts, and ideas, powered by knowledge, and the lack of it. I push for more, for solving mysteries; I don’t sit quietly, and patiently. I sit on worries because a lawd can’t save me, I don’t believe in it, and if you don’t believe that it’s true, you worry, because life is real, and sad, and raw, and the molten white hot rocks who’s volatile eruptions shored creatures and separated land from sea, the crashing of gases, stardust, and particles culminated in brute force to create our world; not a romantic comedy story line created billions of years after to quench the thirst of the worried, and provide meaningful existence and explanation for everything at once. 

  How nice it must be to love a god, and love love, and have repeat revelations of how beautiful and soft life can be when there are constantly other guiding forces in your life. I’ve never known true love, and true faith, and all my decisions are my own, both terrible and good. I’ve had a life that has bypassed these things, strange to some, but normal to me. I find peace in solitude, and peace that there are things we can’t contain or explain, but that we are all trying to, and the right honest way; not a quick fix to salve the taste buds of the believers sworn to absolute conviction in its sweetness.